Relentless by Tim S. Grover: Summary and Notes

"Coolers can have an amazing game. Closers can have an amazing season. Cleaners have amazing careers."

The traitsWhen You're a Cleaner . . .

Trait 1You keep pushing yourself harder when everyone else has had enough

Grover lives by the saying that those who talk don't know and those who know don't talk, which is why little has been revealed about how he trains his clients. He says no book can make anyone train like a pro; training like a pro means working at the highest intensity every moment and leaving no detail to chance.

His training is a dictatorship with three rules: show up, work hard and listen. He does the thinking and the homework so the athlete only has to do the work, and he insists that every day people do something they don't want to do. The challenge for him is taking someone already great, such as Jordan, Bryant, Wade, Hakeem Olajuwon, Charles Barkley or Scottie Pippen, and making him better. Jordan used to say he paid Grover so that he would not train anyone else.

Grover is blunt about weight. He writes that his team took 100 pounds off Eddie Curry so he could sign with the Miami Heat in 2012. A pitcher who needed to lose 40 pounds decided to do it on his own instead; Grover predicted he would be out of the game in eight months, and says he was wrong, because the pitcher was gone in four. His test of commitment is the first 48 hours: a new client who is sore and miserable after two days of work and still shows up on day three is ready.

"Comfortable makes you good. We're going for unstoppable, and there's a price to pay for that."

Trait 2You get into the Zone, shut out everything else, and control the uncontrollable

A cooler gets everyone cranked up before a game, and a closer gets himself cranked up. A cleaner stays cool and calm and saves it all for game time. Grover describes the Zone as quiet, dark and alone, even in a screaming arena: no outside static, no emotion, only readiness and a quiet, icy anger under the skin.

He finds each athlete's triggers. With music, he avoids hype and looks for a song the player may not have heard in years that takes him back to a time when he felt right; when it works, he writes, the heart rate drops two or three beats a minute almost immediately, and the player smiles. Jordan stayed in the Zone from the moment he left for the arena until late at night, and changed into the public MJ in the trainer's room before facing reporters. When Gilbert Arenas lost the Zone, Grover watched him go from a killer on the court to someone who had forgotten how to step on an opponent's throat.

Emotions are the enemy of the Zone. Fear, jealousy and excitement pull focus toward something other than the job. The one exception is controlled anger, a slow-burning internal anger that is restrained and turned into energy and never becomes rage. Grover cites Jordan in Vancouver, shaking his head and then destroying the game without throwing a punch.

"Controlled anger is a deadly weapon in the right hands."

The audiobook link goes to the 2020 Simon & Schuster Audio recording narrated by Pete Simonelli. These notes come from the 2013 Tantor Audio recording of the same book, narrated by Sean Pratt.

Trait 3You know exactly who you are

A cooler thinks about what he is supposed to think about, a closer thinks and analyzes before acting, and a cleaner simply knows. Grover's premise is that people are born bad and taught to be good, or born relentless and taught to relent. Babies follow their instincts and demand immediate results; then the world teaches them to doubt themselves.

Overthinking destroys natural ability. Grover describes coaches who watch so much film that they lose any feel for what is happening on the floor, and players who are perfect in practice but blow it when it counts. Before every Bulls game, Jordan would take the sheet of plays from the team meeting and go into another room, because he already knew what he needed.

Instinct comes from preparation: a player who has rehearsed a moment many times no longer has to think. Grover recalls being told his kinesiology degree would make him a gym teacher or a health club manager, and answering each time that he was going to train pro athletes. He tells readers to trust their gut and stop waiting for permission.

"Stop thinking. Stop waiting. You already know what to do."

Trait 4You have a dark side that refuses to be taught to be good

A cooler fights his dark side and loses, a closer acknowledges it but cannot control it, and a cleaner harnesses it into raw, controlled power. Grover uses Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Superman and the Incredible Hulk to describe the alter ego that emerges when instinct is set free. He argues that the drive to show up every day and do what no one else will do comes from the dark side, and asks whether the instincts of a powerful businessman, crime boss and athlete really differ.

The rule is control. Grover asks whether people smoke or drink because they like it or because they need it, and says cleaners never perform under the influence of anything. He tells of a business owner who swore off affairs for a year to prove he controlled his dark side, though his marriage was already over. Tiger Woods is his case of a dark side exposed: a player who wore the mask so well that people were stunned by the revelation, and whose competitors stopped fearing him once his game fell apart.

"Control your dark side. Don't let it control you."

Trait 5You're not intimidated by pressure, you thrive on it

A cooler is never in a situation where he has to be clutch, a closer is clutch under pressure, and a cleaner is always clutch. Grover rejects the clutch gene entirely. What exists, he says, is predatory instinct plus the readiness to know how and when to attack: preparation plus opportunity. Cleaners create pressure for themselves constantly instead of saving their best for big moments.

In a 2010 game, Orlando's Matt Barnes spent the night trying to antagonize Kobe, at one point faking the ball an inch from his nose; Kobe never flinched, and afterward asked reporters why he should. Grover insists everyone can handle pressure; most people choose not to because the comfort zone is easier, like staying in the shade. Pressure can burst pipes or make diamonds. He dismisses the idea that stress kills, calling stress what brings people to life, while separating productive pressure from the pointless stress people create by showing up unprepared or blowing off commitments.

"There is no clutch gene."

Trait 6When everyone is hitting the 'In Case of Emergency' button, they're all looking for you

A cooler waits to be told the plan, a closer studies the plan, and a cleaner wants every possible option available at all times. Every October, Grover's phone fills with calls from players who partied all summer and agents and general managers who just realized their star did not do the work. By the time he gets the call, everyone else has tried and failed.

Grover traces his own ability to figure things out to his father, who dissected cadavers at a Chicago hospital and handed Grover a bone saw when he was six. His parents, from India, moved to London, where Grover was born; his mother came to Chicago alone for a year to work as a nurse. When the family arrived, his father stopped the cab miles short of their destination and they walked the rest of the way with their bags, because he did not have enough money for the fare.

Cleaners also own their mistakes. During the 2012 finals, Grover missed a detail that cost Wade a turnover, something almost nobody watching would have noticed, and he told Wade after the game that it was his fault. He argues that taking responsibility for everything you say and do builds the reputation that makes your opinions count.

"If you did it, own it. If you said it, stand by it."

Trait 7You don't compete with anyone, you find your opponent's weakness and you attack

For a cleaner there is no meaningless game. In the 2012 All-Star Game, Wade fouled Kobe, giving him a concussion and a broken nose; Kobe refused to go to the hospital until he could address Wade, then refused to miss a game. Grover writes that when two relentless people face each other, the rivalry can play out for years.

Cleaners set the standard and decide what everyone else will do. Jordan trusted Steve Kerr above Pippen, Horace Grant or Toni Kukoc to take the shot when he could not, and Kerr would not have had a second chance if he had failed the first time. Jordan told teammates at the start of each season that he would pass them the ball once, and if they did nothing with it, he would not pass it again. Grover notes that before Dennis Rodman came to the Bulls in 1995, the Spurs lost every time he decided to take a night off.

Grover once told a star client that his disapproval was crushing teammates who needed to feel his support. By the next game, Grover reports, the player was meeting teammates at half court and showing that support. A leader works with people's strengths and does not put them where they will fail.

"When a cleaner puts you in a position to execute, you'd better be prepared."

Trait 8You make decisions, not suggestions; you know the answer while everyone else is still asking questions

Grover names three things he will never praise: inner drive, passion and the question of whether the glass is half full or half empty. All three, he argues, mean thinking about something and doing nothing. Inner drive is thought without action; passion is a feeling until someone works at it and demands to be the best at it; and the glass is a concept invented by someone unable to decide.

Cleaners commit. He describes visiting an FBI training facility with Jordan, where an elite sharpshooter practiced alone, over and over, hitting a target 400 yards away and driving out to reset it himself. Grover contrasts people who dabble in many things and succeed at none with those who can say, "I do this." Asked what he does, Kobe says he gives out numbers, like 81 points. Grover tells players to become excellent at one thing so they are the first name called when it is needed.

"If you like what's there, add more. If you don't, pour it out and start over."

Trait 9You don't have to love the work, but you're addicted to the results

A cooler makes you wish you had paid him less, a closer decides how hard to work based on the money, and a cleaner just does the work. On draft night most players celebrate; Kobe went to the gym. Grover argues that making it to the top is different from making it at the top, and that for athletes who get rich quickly, signing day can be the beginning of the end. He tells of a player who moved teams against his advice for an extra $6 million and, by Grover's estimate, cost himself at least $20 million in a shortened career.

He rejects luck. People who say a successful rival got lucky are describing the price they were unwilling to pay. Work does not require talent, and anyone can show up, work hard and listen. He also tells clients to handle small issues first, in his phrase that you can't fight the elephants until you've wrestled the pigs.

Grover expects professionalism through pain: Jordan returned after his father's death and played at an even higher level, and Wade kept showing up through a divorce and custody battle. He has no patience for young players who drive $150,000 cars but won't spend money on summer training.

"It doesn't take talent to work hard."

Trait 10You'd rather be feared than liked

A cooler keeps his opinions to himself, a closer says what he thinks behind your back, and a cleaner tells you to your face. Grover describes players freezing out a rival in an All-Star Game and warns that a true cleaner never forgets. When Tiger Woods dominated, every competitor's question was what Tiger did that day; when scandal and injury hit, his rivals stopped fearing him and their mental focus improved.

Respect, Grover argues, comes from mental edge as much as physical ability. He is under six feet and could not beat any of his athletes physically, so he makes sure to exceed them mentally, and he tells young trainers that being fit is not the same as knowing their craft. Jordan's quiet, unpredictable appearances earned him the nickname the Black Cat: there and gone before anyone knew what had happened.

When people call Grover names, he takes it as a sign they are intimidated and cannot compete any other way. Being liked leaves no impact; respect, trust and shared purpose do. The greatest compliment, he says, is being called difficult but the best at what you do, provided you really are the best.

"Like is average."

Trait 11You trust very few people, and those you trust better never let you down

Coolers fear the truth, closers dig for it and get upset when it goes against them, and cleaners know when someone is lying and wait for the truth to come out. Grover has no tolerance for entourages and sends hangers-on away during workouts.

A cleaner tests people before trusting them, maybe for 15 minutes or 15 years, and never hands over responsibility casually. He chooses his people like tools, each for a specific job, and keeps a team intact once it works; constant turnover usually means the person at the center doesn't know what he needs. Grover warns athletes against hiring relatives or old friends for jobs they cannot handle.

Jordan and Phil Jackson, both cleaners, trusted each other: Jackson asked Jordan to run the triangle offense enough to look like it, and Jordan then did things his way. Grover says he and Jordan learned together, Jordan knowing basketball and Grover the human body, and that athletes now trust him because he gives a straight answer.

"When a cooler speaks, you have doubts. When a closer speaks, you listen. But when a cleaner speaks, you believe."

Trait 12You don't recognize failure; you know there's more than one way to get what you want

After the Orlando Magic eliminated the Bulls from the 1995 playoffs, Grover sat with Jordan in the darkened United Center until 3 a.m. Jordan had come back from baseball only two months before, wearing number 45, and critics said he was done. Grover knew Jordan simply had not had time to get back to his level. Jordan told the Magic to enjoy the win because it would not happen again, switched back to number 23, and the next season led the Bulls to an NBA record 72 wins and the first of three more championships.

Grover dismisses the word try as an invitation to failure and asks people to do, and to do again in a different way if the first attempt fails. Cleaners do recognize when it is time to change direction.

He spent a summer with Robbie Hummel of Purdue, who had torn his ACL for the second time in eight months, the second time at his very first practice back. Hummel did the rehab until he passed Grover's test, a 48-inch jump down to the floor and back up, then returned to be named first team All-Big Ten and scored 26 points in his last NCAA tournament game. Tracy McGrady, facing an 18-month knee rehab, had to choose between a perfect knee at 40 or 50 and a faster, harder path; Grover says no one ever chooses the longer rehab.

"A cleaner is done when he says he's done"

Trait 13You don't celebrate your achievements because you always want more

A cooler is first to the party and last to leave, a closer makes an appearance, and a cleaner wants to get back to work. Grover skips the parades. After a title, he and his client find each other for a minute: "You good? I'm good." Then: done, next. A cleaner who wins a series in six is disappointed it was not five; one who benches 195 wants 200.

When cleaners do celebrate, it is a brief private moment, because no one else can understand what it took, and the feeling fades as soon as it arrives. Never being satisfied means scrutinizing details others miss; Grover says he can tell whether a shot is going in from the release. He acknowledges burnout as a real risk and notes that athletes, unlike most people, cannot easily change careers or take a sabbatical, then ends where the book began, with the drive to keep going.

"You just have to be insatiable for the results."